Operation: Find Your Batman - Remembering those of the 7/20 shootings

Sometimes, when the unthinkable happens, we think it to be pure fantasy, a story even. From miles away, we can only imagine the pain, like we do in books or movies. But when it hits close to home it becomes all too real for those around us and affected by tragedy. As a product of social media I think we have a problem separating fact from fiction.

I'm a huge proponent of imagination and mixing our fantasies with real life. Fantasy is a wonderful thing. It allows us to escape, be somewhere else for a while, and I love that. That's why I think films, stories, and comics such as Batman are so important. They twist the audience's perception and put them in a world that may or may not be completely different than their own, and make them believe it for approximately 2.5 hours.

What really gets me about the Batman shooting is that this killer used this knowledge to his advantage. The movie had already let people sink into a whole other world which slowed their reaction time. This guy was not stupid - most super villains aren't.

The irony of this massacre occurring at the premiere of Dark Knight Rises still strikes me in many different ways. It breaks my heart to know that it's not even safe to go to the movies any more. That the magic that movies have on people is now torn away from the victims and survivors of that theater. All my beliefs on gun control aside, we as Americans should have the right to go see a super hero movie, and enjoy those two hours of imagination, without worrying that they or their children are going to be murdered.

I went to the premiere and I realize that this tragedy could have happened in my town, in my theater, just as easily as it occurred in Aurora. There is no special zip code for the criminally insane (unfortunately).

Batman to me however, is and always will be a symbol of hope. This twists the irony back onto the villain himself. If he's going to play the villain, considering he's actually watched a super hero movie all the way through, he may take a disheartening amount of lives, but he should know that in the end, he's not going to win or gain anything. If he really wanted to be the Joker, he got his wish, because he's either going to die, or be put in a padded room for the rest of his life, and nobody will take pity on him.

What I've realized is, super villains can be very real, but so can Batman. Batman to a lot of us, is real. Whether he manifests himself as police enforcement or the justice system, eventually justice should be served. I'm not saying by any means that our justice system is perfect. It's not. There is still a chance that this guy could get away with a lot more than he should, which is completely unfair to those who lost their lives, loved ones, and their sense of security. To stretch the metaphor further though, Batman is not perfect either. I think that's why I like him more than any other super hero. Our hero could easily be a neighbor, a friend, or a lover, but we never know until the time comes where somebody needs to step up.

It's incredibly sad that we need a situation like this to realize we have silent protectors all around us, trying to keep us safe from harm. Whether they be a Guardian Angel, God, or a police officer.

Perhaps super hero movies have more to them than they seem. Perhaps we're not supposed to see our heroes or know them, but are supposed to trust that they are there. Perhaps we are to be somebody else's Batman. The beauty of it is, he's an (albeit very rich) average citizen, protecting the city that he loves, and that's it. Technically, he could be anyone.

So this is my personal prayer to those affected, and my personal thank you to all the Batmans in the world. Normal people who step up in times of tragedy and chaos are what make me believe in humanity again. We can't lose our faith in people, we can't lose our faith in the good, just because evil follows us everywhere. And I think that believing is our biggest accomplishment as a community.

Thoughts and prayers to the victims and survivors of the 7/20 shootings in Aurora, Co. <3

My Abusive Relationship with Exercise

Exercise and I have a love/hate relationship. Perhaps it's this way with other people, even the athletic ones, but I think athletic people have more of an issue with finding the time to indulge in their endorphin addiction. In theory, exercising is a win-win situation. You take care of your body, while the endorphins get you high. You feel good. You look good. Great.

I love the idea of being athletic. Being tan, toned, healthy, able to beat the boys at just about everything. Nothing wrong with that. But alas, athletics are left to the coordinated, of which I am not. Let's take a little trip into Jordan's athletic past shall we?

Elementary School:

There was the time we were playing basketball in gym class, I'm about to make a shot, when suddenly, life decided I was being too athletically gifted and forced my knees to give out. As I fell into a lump on the floor, the ball scattered, inevitably to the other team. I lay there. Humiliated. While my teacher asked me if I always said a prayer before making a shot. Yes. Yes I do. I was praying you hadn't noticed. It didn't work. Now the angels are laughing at me.

I also broke my best friend's arm in the 5th grade playing dodgeball. There isn't really much more I can say about that except that our friendship didn't make it much past elementary school...

Middle School:

I'm pretty certain Middle School physical education class is just an entire conspiracy to make adolescents feel even worse about themselves. The locker rooms in and of itself is a giant vortex of self hatred, bath 'n' body works perfume, and insecurity. But then you actually get out there and have to show of your physical prowess. If you're good at things like running, and catching balls, and push ups, it's no problem. But when your head is a ball magnet like mine, you leave exhausted, sweaty, and with a headache. (I've been hit in the head with a 9 lb medicine ball before... didn't feel good). Although I don't have very many specific stories about middle school gym class (pretty sure I suppressed it all), I know it was an awful point in my life, and the first time I ever got a C in a class. My OCD was a little nuts that year...

High School:

Thankfully, in high school we were only required to take one full credit of P.E. and half of that credit could be health class, so I only had to take one semester of actual gym class. My summary of that semester? Always being picked last for teams, passing out during volley ball, getting hit in the eye with a dodgeball, and my gym teacher telling me to take art instead, and getting an A out of pity.

Now in college, things are different. You suddenly realize that you don't care what people think about you as much and you can essentially become a whole new version of yourself because you haven't grown up with these people and they don't know about your 3rd grade prayer sessions. So, I decided, I was going to be athletic. I got the cute outfits, recently got new running shoes, and have been trying to get out and do more active things this summer.

However, it always turns out the same way. Here is another magnificent crayon depiction of how it usually goes.

I start out in my fancy work-out appropriate duds. Looking quite athletic if I do say so myself. 

Then the actual exercising begins, and I feel like nothing can stop me. I'm on top of the world. TAKE THAT HATERS!

Approximately 2-5 minutes later...

Soon, however, something else kicks in. I'm hot. I'm sweaty. But I can't give in...I can't... I must go... on...

Another few minutes later...

I give in. -dies-

And that's pretty much it. My short-lived attempts at creating a better/healthier life for myself have failed yet again. But the way I see it, at least I'm trying. And it's the thought that counts. Right?

Life Update

So as my life has slowed WAY down (a little too much if you ask me), I've decided to update you all on some happenings in my life recently. It's been a little obvious for anyone who follows me on twitter/tumblr/facebook or any other social networking site that I've been craving some change. Change for the better obviously. I want to meet new people, and do new things, but I don't entirely know what. (And admittedly I'm a little chicken to do much of it) So here's a few things I've been pondering for a while.

#1: Volunteer for something I'm passionate about. The problem is, passion has been hard to find lately. I think the one thing that I've heard of that I really want to do is work on an elephant reservation in Thailand. http://www.elephantnaturepark.org/index.htm  Unfortunately I'm no where near Thailand. And needy elephants don't particularly reside in Colorado. Maybe I'll start on a smaller scale and volunteer for a humane society. Dogs are much more plentiful than elephants. But seriously. How can you say no to this face? Maybe one day I'll get myself to Thailand.

 #2: In light of helping others, I've been seriously considering signing up for the bone marrow donor registry at http://marrow.org/Home.aspx . Although my life has not been personally touched by somebody with Leukemia, I know that I am one of the lucky ones. If I were able to save somebody's life today, I would do it without a second thought. Life is beautiful and if I'm able to help somebody live one more day in it, I would not hesitate to do what I can. I'm going to encourage others to do what they can as well.

#3: Get a tattoo. My sister and I have been talking about getting matching tattoos for months, though we have to wait until she's 18 in a year to actually go through with it. That's probably a good thing considering it will probably take that long for both of us to agree on something wholeheartedly. However, I've always liked the idea of tattoos, but I am also extremely (and sometimes regrettably) rational and logical, making a permanent decision like that very difficult. I've narrowed it down to either birds or a lion, with some sort of quotes, but I am looking at elephants now, and those are adorable. I guess when it comes to tattoos, I will just have to keep you posted.

I guess all in all, I want to be a part of something bigger. Part of a group that is doing something to better themselves or better others. I've spent way too much time crying at tv shows where people are part of a collective whole. I feel like I've lost a sense of that since I started classes and work. I miss the days when I had things like theatre or student council to make me feel like I was a part of something which, if not particularly important, at least gave me a sense of purpose. I need to make more time for stuff like that in the future.

That's about it on the "Jordan" front. What have you guys been up to? Also feel free to follow me for random happenings of my every day life, because for some reason I'm under the 21st century disillusion that random people care about my life:

Twitter @jordankdavis
Tumblr: http://jordankdavis.tumblr.com/
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/jordankdavis/

Stalkers have at it. Prepare to be bored to death.

XOXO

Mid-College Crisis

It's been quite a long time since my last blog post, mainly because this semester was absolutely crazy and I can't really think of anything to talk about. Honestly it's been really hard to put my thoughts into words lately - a problem I can't say I'm too familiar with. Finishing up my second year of college really got me thinking. College isn't exactly what I thought it would be. Partially that's a good thing. I've done a fairly decent job at avoiding anything that's going to get me into trouble. Actually, I don't think I could find trouble if I tried. This is precisely the problem.

I've gone 2 years through college and I don't really have much to say for it. Sure. I get good grades. I love what I'm studying. I have a decent paying student job. And my roommates and I get along way better than any 4 girls living in one house ever should. But do you ever get the feeling that maybe some things come too easy? That maybe, I'm way too comfortable with being an academic home body. I feel like my social life has stagnated, and the social butterfly in me is suffocating. For instance, today, I'm sitting at home, in my gym clothes, writing a blog that's doing nothing but complain. What worries me is that I don't really want to do anything other than this.

Perhaps this is coming from the fact that everyone is moving on around me. My best friend just moved to Wyoming permanently. Another best friend is now a father. And here I am, contemplating what it means to be a "grown up". Because what's supposed to look like this:

Actually looks like this:

And I suppose my new goal is to find something in between those. Wish me luck.

XOXO

ATTN: Doctors Don't Actually Do Anything

Many people have asked me, "Jordan, why do you hate doctors so much?" And I look at them with an incredulous stare because in my mind, how can you not hate doctors? It's not so much as I hate them as a person. That, of course, is dependent upon the individual. What I hate is the incessant need to make my life Hell, and then not give me any answers. I've had many interesting experiences at doctor's offices, and therefore I've decided to share with the world why doctors actually are the most frightening people in the world.

Most people see doctors as this -

The guy on the left looks like he's up to something shady.

Or this...

If you aren't terrified of him, you obviously don't watch enough television. But at least he gets the job done.

And sometimes people see doctors like this...

If my doctors looked even romotely like this, I'd go in for physicals more often... but if they look like this they are not to be trusted as they probably moonlighted as a male escort to put themselves through med-school.

This however, is how I see doctors.

"I know you just came in for a common cold, but it's necessary that I cut you open, you know, just to make sure."

That's the thing. They make you suffer even more than you already are. First you wait in the waiting room with a kid who has snot running down his face, and an old man with some kinda pulsating bump on his neck. Sure they try to be nice as they take your temperature and weight, and tell you that you're underweight - again - like it's a bad thing. Sorry I don't eat enough pizza, bro. I'll get right on that.

Truthfully, I get extremely anxious and nervous every time I go into a doctor's office. The minute I walk in I feel my entire body tense up. It's an involuntary reaction that I think stems from when I was little and they always had to have 3 nurses hold me down and shove sticks down my throat while I cried to them for mercy. Mercy was never given, and it made my throat feel worse. This anxiety makes me very sarcastic and jittery. Sudden movements are not a good idea, and they always think I have some sort of heart issue because when they put the cold stethoscope on my chest my heart is suffering from rapid spasms of terror. It is at this moment that I think they can see right through me. They know that they can scare me even more with their threats of needles and rubber gloves. The cotton balls don't fool me either - they are probably used to muffle the sounds of screaming victims.

They then ask a series of repetitive questions, like they didn't believe me the first time when I described my symptoms. Nope, I lied about my sore throat and stomach ache earlier just for kicks and giggles, wasting your and my time. It's not even that they ask questions over and over again, but the way in which they ask them.

Example questions and my remarks:

"I'm going to need you to give us a urine sample. Could you please pee in this cup?"  - No. I can't. Without prior warning for this visit, I peed before I came in and now I have to sit in the bathroom with the faucet running for 20 minutes while I try to pee in a cup with no aim talent. It's a mess in your bathroom now, but that's not my problem anymore.

"I'm going to need you to take off your shirt so I can do a breast exam." -But you haven't even taken me out to dinner yet. This is all going so fast. I'm not that kind of girl.

"I'm going to take a look at your privates now. It's okay. I'm a doctor." - That's precisely why it's NOT okay. I did not come here to get molested, but you're going to do it anyway. Yup. You just went there. 

"You haven't gotten your HPV shot yet? You should really do that. I would have done it if it were around when I was younger. It's important for when your husband cheats on you, you don't get cervical cancer." - Um did you just say "when"? Not "if". "When". Sorry your husband cheated on you honey, don't bring your problems to work. That's unprofessional.

"There's really nothing we can do about it, just go home and sit it out until you feel better. Get lots of sleep." - Ok... I just sat in this room for over an hour on a Saturday getting my throat raped and my finger stabbed like it was in a gang war and that's really all you can tell me... you don't know what's wrong with me? So glad I came in to see you. This has been a productive use of both my time and health.

"You're NOT sexually active?! -skeptical glance-" - I know I'm hot. Doesn't mean I'm getting any. Boys run away from me screaming, and as much as you have tried to convince me for the past 6 years that that is going to change, as far as I can tell I repel every man I touch so... riddle me that doc.

The list could go on and on. I guess the main point is that I'm extremely dissatisfied with my doctors. They don't help anything. Ever. And I'm still feeling crappy after a week of visiting the doctor twice and talking on the phone with them extensively once. FIX ME.

Le End Rant.

Why I get Irritated with the World

So, I'm about to open up a can of worms here, I know it. However, something has been bothering me all day and I need to write about it and organize my thoughts, because life is extremely confusing. I may offend some people, because they don't believe the same things I believe, which is fine. That's the beauty of America, we're allowed to believe what we want to believe, and nobody can say anything about it. But they can certainly try.

Today I experienced kind of a social experiment. Evangelist Christians are fairly common on our campus, although I don't really know why, they're kind of preaching to the choir to that particular audience to be honest. They stand there with their big signs, and sometimes megaphones screaming about their beliefs at the casual passerby or the people who have the time to stop and listen. Today I was a person who stopped and listened.

The things he was saying completely baffled me, and I fully admit I didn't agree with anything he said. Everything he said sounded really judgmental and condescending. Declaring that ALL college students are promiscuous, and ALL college students smoke weed, and ALL college students are drunken sinners. It irritated me that he would just assume that about everybody there, even though he didn't know any of them at all. I was willing to listen to him, keeping in mind that he has a religion, past experiences, and a passion for what he does, but what does he know about me or my personal life? Absolutely nothing. He stood there declaring that all humans are sinners and we need to stop right now, but he is human too so what things on his list of sins has he done? What makes him think God has forgiven him but not us? Is it because he's standing there declaring his opinion to the world? Is that what it takes to be forgiven? If that's the case, here's me declaring my opinion, just in case I need forgiving.

I believe that a relationship with your God, or whatever you choose to believe in, is a personal relationship, and you shouldn't shove it down people's throats because it's just going to irritate them. You shouldn't assume anything about people until you know them. You shouldn't tell people they're going to Hell for loving somebody who is different from who you love, smoking a cigarette, or getting drunk at a frat party. And you definitely shouldn't make claims such as (and I quote) "Most of the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting went to Hellfire." You don't know that at all, and those victims lost their lives in a tragic event that should not be criticized. I suppose he's going to blame God for those unfair deaths too.

Honestly, I don't want to believe in his God. If his God is going to tell me that people with different ideas, opinions, sexualities, vices, and weaknesses are going to Hell, then I don't want any part of it. My imagined God is a caring and kind friend who isn't going to judge me based on the human mistakes I have made, and will make throughout my life. He isn't going to shun my friends who are gay because they happen to like members of the same sex. He isn't going to reject my friends who go to parties and happen to partake in drugs or alcohol. He isn't going to send to eternal hellfire my friends who have sex before they are married. Instead, being all powerful, he will see the kind of person they are as I see them. And if they have done their best to be a good person, then that will be enough to get them into an afterlife if there is one.

I don't want to only criticize the evangelist, who was really, in retrospect, just talking about what he believes, but the people watching were getting angry and shouting things as well. And I'll admit, I wanted to yell something too, and I even laughed at a few of the come backs. These people are also entitled an opinion, but again, it's all in how you present something and some of these people were plain rude.

One honorable guy came over with a sign, he taped it to the fence behind the evangelist, and it said "I disagree with everything this man says, but I will defend to the death his right to say it." I wanted to give this guy a hug. We can be angry at the things people say, but we have to take a step back and realize that even if they may be closed minded, they have every right to say what they are saying, and if you just get angry and rude, you're being just as close minded - fighting fire with fire. 

So, all that being said, I guess I'll end with my own opinions and beliefs. A quote that best describes my religious ideals is this: “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”- Marcus Aurelius

He has a marble statue of himself and wears a toga, so... he obviously knows what he's talking about.

I, like Mr. Aurelius, feel like the most important things in life are to love and accept one another. If we only get one life and no afterlife, what kind of impact do you want to make? Personally, I don't want that impact to be me screaming at people, trying to force them to believe what I believe. You only make enemies that way, and I'd rather leave this world knowing I left a memorable and good impact on my friends and family.

10 Years Later

There isn't much I remember about the fourth grade. I was nine years old. My teacher was Mrs. McFadden. My best friend was Kari Fetrow. But besides the basics, the only two events I vividly remember was where I was on September 11th, 2001, and the untimely death of my grandmother. Why is it that we can so vividly recall pain, but not joy? I can't think of a single moment from the fourth grade where I was really happy, even though I'm sure I had my moments. Those things don't seem to stick with us as well.

Ten years is a long time to remember back, and it's interesting to see how much the world has changed (how much I have changed) and yet still some things seem to remain the same. As I sit here in my apartment at college, worried about my exams next week and my job interview tomorrow, I realize that I am really worrying about my future, and ten years ago I was probably doing the same thing. It makes me think of those involved in the twin towers. All of those people were worrying about the future just like I was/am. Worrying about their families, their car payments, what they're having for dinner that night, some of them got up in the morning with a specific goal that they never got to reach, and promises they never got to keep. Each of them had hopes, and dreams, and plans.

It's an incredibly sad thought, that these people promised their kids they'd be there to pick them up after school just like any other day, and then were forced to break that promise. But as America moves on, we move on for these people. We are still able to fight for them, for their promises, for their dreams. And it gives me strength to just move on for them, even though I didn't know anybody who was a victim personally. I feel like I know them, just by the criteria that we are all human, and we all should have the right to live, not in fear, but in hope for the future.

We need to thank our troops, regardless of your stance on the war, whom risk their lives every day to make sure we can fulfill our goals and promises. We need to thank the policemen and firemen who risked their lives that day, knowing that they may not make it. We need to thank the people who took the 911 calls, and consoled people in their last moments. And we need to thank ourselves, for being strong enough to move on, but not forget where we were that day, and what it means to be an American.

A Bucket List. By Jordan.

"And when they put me in the ground, I'll start pounding the lid. Saying I haven't finished yet. I still have a tattoo to get, that says I'm living in the moment." - Amanda Palmer

Oh Hi There. Bet you're surprised to see me here after all this time. Truthfully, I've been really inspired to write a blog multiple times over the past month, but I've been too gosh darn busy to actually act on it, and by the time I get around to doing it, I've lost my train of thought, and I'm left chasing after it like an idiot.


Anyway. Lately I've been thinking about all the things I want to do before I get too old to do them, and eventually die and am sad because I haven't done all the things I wanted to do. How can I be sad when I'm dead you ask? Um. It's just possible, alright? Question void. And it really discourages me that I may not be able to do some of these things in my life time. So here it is for all of you to see. And maybe we can fulfill them together! With rainbows and butterflies! YEAH!

BTW. These are in no particular order. Just randomly inserted when I think of them. 

1. Travel. The more I learn about the world, the more I really want to visit other places. Firstly, I'd love to travel the US more... because I've really only been to like 5 of the states. I really want to go to New York, Oregon, Washington, And pretty much anywhere on the East Coast. Then I would like to expand my horizons and visit Greece, Australia, Spain, Italy (particularly Pompeii area), and maybe Japan. I'd also go back to England, Scotland, or Ireland again in a heartbeat.

2. Fall in love. Once. Twice. Maybe even multiple times. As I've stated before, the human's ability to love is one of the most amazing abilities we have. And I want to love as much as I can while I can.

3. Get married. Have kids. The works. The one thing I know I want to do in my life without a doubt is be a mommy. Some people think that's really weird. But I've known I've wanted to do this since my motherly instincts kicked in when my sister was born. I just feel like I'd be good at it. I also feel like I'd be a really good girlfriend/wife if given the chance. After I get past all my awkwardness. But, alas, maybe I give myself too much credit. We'll see.

4. Get really super drunk. Just once. That way I'll never do it again (unless future me is an idiot), but will have had that experience, which I think most people experience at one point in their lives. May sound stupid, but I think it's important.

5. Get my heart broken. Ok now it just sounds like I want to do awful terrible things. But I think there is a lot to be said about a learning experience.

6. Get a tattoo. I don't know of what, but I would really like one that means something to me. I'd probably get it on my hip or on my ribs. I'd also be conquering my irrational fear of needles. Or am I afraid of doctors? I can never tell.

7. Be an inspiration to somebody. Maybe I already am. I don't know. I just want to know that I've truly touched the life of at least one person and possibly changed them for the better.

8. Have a high position within my career. My ideal job would be a production manager for a television program or newscast. Think Katherine Heigl in The Ugly Truth. I want to be in charge, respected, and look good in a pair of heels. Although, I'm pretty sure this goal may interfere with my housewife fantasy. I'll figure it out when it comes to it.

9. Get into working out. I did accomplish this... for like 2 months. I'd like to be one of those people who enjoys working out and makes time to do it. And does yoga on the weekends. I just want to be in better shape and be happier and healthier. It's not because I think I'm fat... but I would like to have abs... that would be nice.

10. Take an Art class. I've always felt like I was artistic, but lack faith in my artistic abilities. It'd be cool to get into that.

11. Take a pole dancing class. No judging. This just outright looks like fun. And seriously. Your upper body gets SO ripped. Seriously... look up pole dancing contests and stuff on youtube. It's pretty impressive.

12. Learn to play the piano. I really should have done this a long time ago. When I was a kid. Which is when most people learn how to play an instrument. But I was a dumb, shy child who didn't want to do anything. So I guess I'll make up for it later in life.

13. Live in a big city. Like Denver, New York, Chicago. I just love city life. And would like to do that for a few years. Preferably before the marriage/kids goal.

11. Get a Bernese Mountain Dog. They are freaking adorable. If you don't know what that is. Here's a picture. They are pretty big dogs. None of this little yappy annoying dog crap. Those don't count as dogs.

He says "Hello! I am your adorable fluffy friend and will never betray you!" Because dogs are obviously better than boyfriends. And they are also this adorable when they grow up too. Maybe I'll get a cat at some point too... but everyone knows dogs are better.

So um yeah. I'm sure there's more. I just wanted to get these out there. So you guys can hold me to them ;)

Lots of Loves!

UPDATE: AHHHH I totally forgot a super important one that I have wanted to do for years. And that would be Skinny Dipping. I'm always afraid of getting arrested though lol so if any of you have a safe place in which to do that. Let me know.

How to Avoid Being a Third Wheel

Disclaimer: This post is full of adolescent angst and activities, which could potentially gross people out. But really, we've all been there.

The title of this blog should actually be, "How to act in situations in which you are a third wheel because it will undoubtedly happen in your life, some more than others." But I thought that was a bit wordy. Honestly, being a bit awkward and third wheelish is something completely unavoidable in life. And if you're me, it happens on a regular basis as three of my best friends all have fairly serious relationships. Don't get me wrong, I've played this role so many times that I've actually become comfortable being the awkward tag along with nobody to hold hands with. It's kind of my forte, and I'm very good at it. Getting a boyfriend now would just break the cycle. Although, this is kind of what I have in mind for future reference...

This is me now. The awkward number of 3 basically just confuses everyone in the room. Regardless of how close you are to both couple participants. 

This is the future, when I meet the love of my life. And then we can go hang out with other couples and it will be one big awesome party. But unfortunately, this is not how life works. Not for me anyway. Again, forgive the sideways-ness. My scanner decided to hate me.

But to help those who are probably not as used to it as I am, I have broken it down into two options. First is to completely ignore the fact that there are people making out on the couch next to you. (This one takes a lot of will power) Second, is to just be so awkward that said couple feels even more awkward than you, thus giving you all the power in the situation. (This one takes a lot of skill, and an ability to make others awkward enough to a point where you don't feel awkward anymore.) Both of these, are going to take a lot of practice.

If you choose to ignore the situation, and just have a good time anyway, you're going to enjoy yourself much more than sulking about your single status. This is only made harder if PDA is involved. So let's say, said couple is making out on the couch next to you. What do you do? You don't want to spoil the intricacies of young love.  But you also don't want to get involved in the groping and spittle that is inevitably coming your way. If you're ignoring it. You think about ANYTHING other than what's going on next to you... whilst subtly scooting to the very edge of the couch without looking conspicuous.

So, here you are, being happy as a clam, thinking of butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns, whilst completely ignoring the dark mass of slurping going on right beside you. 

Now. The key to this option, is AVOID EYE CONTACT! I cannot stress this enough. You can't let them know it bothers you, and more importantly, you can't let YOU know it bothers you, because that's how you get all sad and depressed. Here are some examples of faces that you should NOT make at a couple when you are in this situation.

Face Number 1. The Creeper Face. Unless you want everyone to think your a perverted psycho... do not make this face.

It kind of says "Hey. I wanna play too!" Which is not what you're trying to convey. You're trying to convey subtlety people. SUBTLETY. 

Face Number Two: The Sad Puppy Lonely Pathetic Face. This one will only make you look needy. Needy is unattractive.

Never let them know you're weak!

Face Number Three: The Totally Disgusted, How Is That Even Remotely Sexy Face. This one will label you as asexual and terrified of cooties for like... the next three years.

Even the face kinda makes you wanna vomit doesn't it? 

My only advice to you ,if you choose to ignore the situation is to get a thick skin and learn how to block it out, because you love your friends and, despite some minor jealously, you are really happy that they have each other and are so happy. You can sulk later. When you're alone. But you're going to have to face the world again so get over it.

Now, if you choose a different route, which is being awkward beyond belief, this can be very fun. But you have to make sure that either your friends will still love you regardless of how awkward you are or make them feel, OR you don't care what they think of you, if they decide they don't want you to be near them again, that's their problem.

This tactic is my personal favorite. If you're going to be awkward, ignore everything I said above. Any of those faces are fantastic in an awkward situation. Except you have to stare at them long enough for them to notice you (which could be quite a while if they are really into whatever they're doing), and then hold that gaze even longer so that they get super creeped out. My personal favorite face is number one because it exudes creepy. Eventually they'll realize you're there and will stop shoving tongues down each others throats. (maybe) Let's see that face again shall we?

Picture yourself in their shoes. If somebody was staring at you like this while you were making out with your partner, wouldn't you feel a little weird? That's what I thought.

Another tactic I've used in the past, is asking to join. "Hey. Can I join you guys?" With a totally serious look on your face and in the most mono-toned voice you can muster.  In most cases, this will be enough to make them stop and realize they are being inappropriate... unless you have friends like I do who actually think you joining is an excellent idea... good luck getting out of that one. This one is only for experts because it can easily backfire.

Usually, all a couple needs is to be distracted from one another. So you have to somehow make yourself the center of attention. This could be anything from getting up and dancing like a monkey who just did speed, screaming the most random words you can think of, or ripping off all your clothes. (this last one, again, can easily backfire, so be careful). This tactic, however, is short lived, unless you have enough stamina to dance like a drugged-out primate for hours... because eventually the couple will get bored and go back to their previous activities.

DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!

The last resort is to just make awkward sexual jokes, which I will not repeat here. Most people do not want their sex life advertised (even if they're trying REALLY hard to advertise it on the living room furniture). So bringing it up in a nonchalant way could actually work really well to make them feel awkward... this one is dangerous though because you could either A. Hurt their feelings. or B. Get even more information than you ever needed to know. So again, this one is for the pros.

I realize now that this probably doesn't help anyone. Because despite your attempts to ignore or awkward-out someone, you're still going to go home feeling sad and lonely. And you can't help that. It's human nature. The best advice I can give you is to toughen up, and not let it get to you. Which is a lot easier said than done. But basically, take a good look in the mirror, realize how awesome you are, and move on with your life because there's a whole lot more than adolescent couch activities that you should be worried about.

Life and Love - They're intertwined

My last blog post about my enemy, the Sun, obtained many a praise from members of my family. (Sidenote: The sun won again when I went to the beach last week. Sun -2 Jordan -0)

I'm really close to my family (including extended family) and they are all very proud of me and I am extremely thankful for them and all of their support. But, in addition to my family's grandiose praise, I also received an abundance of compliments from people I had just met... because apparently a few of my proud family members have been sharing with people. (They were all very sweet and awesome, by the way, including the maid of honor at my cousin's wedding, who I need to track down somehow because she was REALLY nice and according to others is a lot like me, which automatically makes her cool. Plus she talked Harry Potter with me. Bonus! ...Anyway, I digress).

And all of this is super flattering. I didn't think I was THAT funny. The problem now is, I now feel a heavy anvil of pressure to be super impressive and funny all the time and pressure is not conducive to comedy. You can't force funny. It only makes you look like an idiot who tries too hard. Nobody wants to be friends with that guy.

So this time, to the dismay of those waiting for a comedic relief to their day, I've decided to write a more serious post because I've been completely inspired by my recent life to be super sentimental and insightful.

In the last ten-ish days, I've gotten to hold my best friend's 3 month old niece for the first time, attend a wedding, witness new love, attend a funeral, in addition to a birthday party for a friend from middle school. And being a part of all these levels of life has astounded me in a way that I can't even describe, and, honestly, I have no idea why I'm trying to in this post. The truth is, I've made a dent in discovering for myself what life is all about. And that is love.

Without love, we have no life. It is with love that the beautiful baby Gabby smiles at her aunt Kimberly. It is with love that Kim cares for her brother's baby as much as she does. It was love that brought us together to watch Michelle and Chris share their love with the world as they exchanged vows at their beautiful wedding. It's with love that I've been close to people and stayed in touch since middle school and are celebrating another birthday together, even though we all live in different states now. And it is with love that Helen left this world, leaving those who loved her in return to come together and celebrate her amazing and long life.

Stages of life like these would not be possible without the love of the people we share it with. Something was said at the church today that really resonated with me. It was that we as humans mourn and feel things such as pain and heartbreak, and it hurts. But it also means that you have loved somebody enough to feel that pain. If you have no heartbreak, it means you are deprived of this love. And even though it hurts like hell, you should feel good somewhere deep inside knowing that you are human, and are blessed with the capability to feel. Really feel something for another person. Whether that person is a family member, a lover, or a friend, you should feel accomplished in life knowing that you have cared for somebody and that they have cared for you.

It is with this that I vow to love as many people as I can, while living life to it's fullest, because you never know when you will be the one people are watching as you get lowered into the ground. And even though it will make me extremely vulnerable, and leaves me wide open to heartbreak, I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. All the while knowing as much pain as I feel at that particular time, I felt 10 times more bliss prior. And I intend to take more notice of that bliss, because it's something that is too often overlooked.

To my friend's baby niece Gabby, good luck in everything you do. You have the whole world ahead of you.
Rest in Peace Helen, I'm sorry I didn't get to know you longer, but from the sounds of things, you lived a pretty amazing life.
Congratulations to Michelle and Chris, I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love.
Happy Birthday Claire, and many more to come ;)

The Epic Battle Between Myself, and the Sun.

I have not blogged in a while. I do have a lot to say at this current moment in my life, but let's keep it light and jolly shall we? Nobody needs to hear me angst and sulk about meaningless things, so instead I'm going to make fun of myself, because that's what I do best.

Every summer I have an epic battle. Like seriously epic. Picture Chronicles of Narnia battle... and times that by like 1000 (but remember to keep the cute boys involved...). That's how epic my battles are. And I don't battle with mere mortals, no way. My battle is with a giant gaseous being also known as the Sun. Hey, go big or go home right? It looks pretty much exactly like this...

The knight in armor is me. The sun has a unibrow and sketch moustache because he is evil. He also speaks with a foreign accent because that's what all evil dudes do in Disney movies.

Really, I don't hate the Sun. In fact the Sun has the ability to help me, seeing as I'm probably the whitest person I know and could use a tan. But I think the Sun and I have differing opinions in what a tan entails. And I know that the minute I spend too much time where the Sun can see me, he will undoubtedly attack without me knowing until much later when I get in the shower and see the splotches all over my skin.

This is one of my more scandalous drawings as I'm obviously naked in the shower cursing my arch-nemesis. The red splotches are my battle scars. My art astounds me sometimes.

So, you'd think by now I would learn from all these years of experience. But the problem is in my choice of weaponry. Unfortunately swords and sexy armor doesn't work on the sun.

And that is where me being a complete and total failure comes into play. Seriously, out of all the things I could be good at, sunscreen application is not a talent I possess. Regardless of the SPF factor or how fancy and "good for your skin!" it's supposed to be, I still can't put it on correctly and I miss spots. These spots become my weak spots. The Sun can detect them from miles and miles away. His powers far surpass my own and instead of a nice even tan, I end up with big splotches that make me look like I have some kind of weird skin disease and causes people to stare. I've had many an interesting encounter with sunburns over the years and every time it happens, I feel the Sun laughing at me, because we both know, he has won. Every freaking time.

My weird skin disease. Jordan - 0 The Sun - about 5 million

Boredom.

Just as a forewarning, the following is going to be about nothing as my boredom reaches its peak and I am now at that point in which I just start rambling.

I usually don't get bored very easily. I'm accustomed to keeping myself occupied as I'm extremely easily amused and have fun doing the most random things such as watching a movie I've seen a hundred times again or googling things on the internet. When boredom does occur, however, it occurs in four stages.

Stage one: Munchies and Facebook
When the first inkling of boredom arrives it's a feeling of "Hmm... my friends are busy, I have no money to go do anything, I'm still looking for a job, let's go stalk the lives of people who are far more exciting than me on Facebook and Twitter whilst eating chips!" I've decided to add crayon drawings because I'm THAT bored.

This my crayon depiction of me pretending to be surprised that girls I knew in high school are preggars or mothers now, and gorging myself on potato chips. Sorry it's sideways... I'll do better next time.

Orange Panties and Peeing in the Shower.

Now that I've successfully obtained your attention, I officially have three more days of classes and then a week of finals before moving back home for the summer. Honestly, I'm excited to move back home. Of course I miss my family and friends, that's a given. And I'm excited to get to see them this summer again. But there are a few things from home that I definitely took for granted. Here is a list of random things I never thought I'd miss but did:

1. My bed. Seriously. My bed at home is equivalent to Jesus. And my dorm bed is like some random homeless dude, smelling like urine and booze. Who would you rather sleep on? It's not so bad once you stop thinking about all the other people who have slept (and done a lot of other unmentionable things) on that mattress... Even with an eggshell cushion, a mattress cover, and my frequently washed sheets it feels super gross. So after a while I got over thinking about how icky it was, but it still doesn't make up for the fact that I think it punches my back/neck in my sleep. (Thank God for Megan who gives awesome massages by the way) So when I go home, I will have my beautifully comfortable, full sized bed and I will enjoy every minute of it.

2. Toilet Paper. I pay $20,000 a year, you'd think dorms would splurge on some 2-ply but alas, no. Every time I go home I'm like WOAH! This toilet paper feels AMAZING! So I'm looking forward to not having to wipe with some paper product pretending to be a luxury amenity. Sorry to say public toilet paper, you just don't make the cut. I'm voting you off the island. I'm starting to think that ridiculous commercial about the girl who brings her own TP to college isn't as ridiculous anymore.

3. Singing in the shower. Yes, I know I could do this in the public showers. Who's going to stop me? Public showering sure doesn't stop the girls and guys in my hall from belting out an High School Musical tune for everyone to hear. I just don't think it's the appropriate time. (also, the dancing/singing parties people decide to have in the showers? I don't get it. I prefer to shower alone. It's the only alone time I get and it barely even counts because I'm not alone) Which brings me to #4.

4. Alone time. In the dorms you are around people. ALWAYS. You don't get a minute to yourself. Even when you're alone you are surrounded by people. Walking alone, you are walking with 10 other alone people. When eating alone, you are in a dining hall or restaurant full of people. When you are using the toilet, there's a girl in the next stall invading your privacy. When you brush your teeth, the girl curling her hair is in your space. When you go back to your room, your roommate is there doing her thing. Don't get me wrong, I love people. I just want some time where I don't have to worry about bothering anyone or that somebody is staring at me while I do my personal hygiene routine. It gets really claustrophobic.

Despite all of that, I really loved my first year of college. And living in the dorms has been an important experience in my life, I just don't think I'd do it again. So here, I leave you with my advice and tips for anyone who lives in the dorms in the future. (This is mainly for you Sydney)

-Public showering is not that bad but make sure you securely adhere your towel to your body before leaving your room. Mine has never fallen off, but I know people who have... so unless you want everyone to see you naked, make sure you're good before making the trek down the hall.
-Wear flipflops in the shower ALWAYS. People pee in the shower. It's just a fact. Yes it's gross, but you move on, and wear the dang flipflops. Problem solved.
-In college you learn to adapt in weird ways, like brushing your teeth in the shower so you don't have to make the extra trip to the bathroom later, and eating/showering at really random times. You take what you can get and you consolidate time as much as you can.
-Although it's all-you-can-eat, don't try to eat everything in the dining hall in one night. You end up feeling like crap.
-Frat parties are stupid. And the thing is, I totally knew this going into college, but I went anyway. It's cheap booze and drunk guys trying to get laid. Which everyone knows. But they want to "experience it for themselves". So go for it. Pimp yourself out to get in, drink a cheap beer, and decide you're never doing it again, because the image of the girl wearing the bright orange panties is permanently lodged in your memory now. And not in a good way. You're welcome.

I probably have more but, that's mainly the gist of it. Hope you've enjoyed my dorm life rant. I would like to say there is parts I will miss, but no. I'm too excited for my apartment next year with my girls. And my own bedroom. BEAUTIFUL. Now to go study for finals.

Never Alone

If someone were to ask me what is the most important thing in my life, I would, without hesitation, say my family. My parents, my sister, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, everyone. I went home this past weekend for my dad's 50th birthday party where a large majority of my family came to celebrate and party, and it hit me, as it has so many times before, that I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Anyone who has talked to me recently knows that last week was really rough. It's coming down to the wire here at school, therefore stress, hormones, and craziness are taking place. The minute I got home though, I felt one hundred times better. Nobody really had to say or do anything special. It was just the feeling of being somewhere where I knew that I wasn't being judged, and was being unconditionally loved that elated me.

I'm now back sitting in my dorm room, preparing to take on another week. Another to-do list. And I have this sinking feeling of loneliness, and I realize, the feeling of loneliness is always amplified immediately after you leave the place in which you are unconditionally loved. And it is for this reason that I didn't go out of state for school. I love school. I love being independent and on my own. But there just comes a time when you need to go back and be reminded that there is a group of people somewhere who loves you regardless of what you do or what you say or what color you decided to dye your hair this time.

I'm also glad that I'm able to be there for any one of them. Especially my sister who means the world to me and whom I got to see go to prom this weekend where she looked absolutely gorgeous in my dress from last year. It's good to be needed.

So, to my family, I love you all, unconditionally. I will always be here for you even if not physically, just as you are for me. Thank you.

Toleration is Timeless

I got into a little argument/discussion with a friend yesterday about the validity of Lady Gaga and what message she is sending to the world, particularly young women. I decided to dedicate this blog post to my beliefs and my everlasting admiration for Ms. Gaga and what she stands for. I personally love Lady Gaga. Not only because her music is catchy (which reminds me, I need to turn on a Gaga playlist for inspiration), or because she never ceases to surprise anybody (remember the egg?) but for the equality, kindness, and originality she stands so strongly for.

I recently saw a video where a fundamentalist Christian had parked himself in front of her concert, picket sign in hand, and when she approached him in her car she politely introduced herself and he rudely handed her a "get out of Hell free" card saying that "she is going to need that where she's going". She then told him that they better open up the gates, and tried explaining that they really do believe in God at her show. He called her a pervert because of her stance on homosexuality and told her she was raised in a screwy religion when she explained that she went to Catholic school for 13 years.

The ignorance of some people truly shocks me sometimes, and you can tell that Gaga was hurt by this, but instead of being upset, it motivates her to be stronger and more adamant about sticking up for what she believes in: equality for all people.

Now it shouldn't surprise anybody who knows me that I'm a huge advocate for gay rights, and have been known to call people out on the hurtful things they may say, and have gotten into plenty of arguments on behalf of my gay friends and neighbors. I believe that people shouldn't be judged based on their religion, race, sexual orientation, or gender. And the fact that Lady Gaga is so open about her beliefs and loving of everybody makes me love her even more. Out of all the celebrities out there who support equality, she's the one who always gets awarded or penalized for it and she takes it with such grace and stride it amazes me.

I look up to Lady Gaga. I know that her music and shows are highly sexualized, and she almost never wears pants. But that's who she is. And you can judge her for it all you want, but she's never going to change because of your judgment, and she encourages everyone, whether they be gay, straight, black, white, boy or girl; to just own who they are and not care about the judgment. Really that's all that life comes down to; Everyone is going to judge you at some point, and happiness comes when you realize that you can't do anything about it. That's why I've decided to try my best to ignore the judgments of others, be who I am, and there isn't a darn thing anybody can do about it. I'm going to embrace it and move on. And I have Lady Gaga to thank for that. :)

If you're interested in that video I mentioned earlier, here's a link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrOYFZwmMUM&feature=player_embedded and skip to about 2:40 because the beginning is long and really has nothing to do with my point. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

To My Beautiful Friends

So, my spring break was... in short sucky. I had my wisdom teeth out, and I still can't eat solid food, really, which is annoying. Not saying I haven't tried. It just hurts. Really badly. My week was filled with a lot of awkward encounters, and not the good kind. But, being me, life is just awkward. You think I'd be used to that.

In order to fix my awkward and boring excuse for a spring break, however, I went to Greeley this weekend. I know right? Greeley is not exactly the kind of place you go for a good time. But while I was there I realized, I have some of the best friends in the entire world. Even the ones I just met are willing to go out of their way for me and I am so thankful for that. It's sad when you DON'T want to leave Greeley... but the people there are amazing, and I must also add, crazy talented. I feel the need right now to give special shout outs to the friends that I am crazy in love with right now.

To my friend whom I have known since childhood, I wish you the best of luck on your future in Chicago. I know you will be fantastic and I will see your name in lights one day. You are beautiful and deserve every bit of it.

To my beautiful best friend, I don't know where I'd be without you. Seriously. Your art is also amazing even though you don't think it is. You're absolutely amazing and have introduced me to your awesome friends and boyfriend whom I love being around. Thank you for having a boyfriend I actually get along with so I don't have to murder you ;) That being said, I'd like to thank said friends and boyfriend for being awesome and accepting me for who I am and going out of their way for me even though they don't have to in the slightest.

To the friend who rocked his play last night, you are amazing and I love you and I'm soooo glad I got to see it. I better be seeing more of you soon. And the only reason I was able to marvel at your talent (and sexiness) was because of the above mentioned people, so mad props to them.

Also, last but not least, I must thank the friend who always lets me crash at her place at the last minute. You are the most hospitable of people and your kindness always astounds me.

So now that I have been sufficiently cheesy and emotional, I'd like to leave you with this bit of advice. Choose your friends wisely. I was extremely fortunate to find such amazing people to share my life with. And really, I didn't find them. They found me. And I guess this blog post is just to certify that I realize how blessed I am and express my gratitude. :)

Talking for the Sake of Talking

So.... Here I am. On the interwebs for everyone to see. Not that anyone will particularly want to read this. It's just a bunch of rubbish. But anyone who knows me, knows that I could talk for decades and never get bored. So here is my contribution to the blogging world. A friend of mine convinced me to do it, and he assured me that this is mainly for me. A personal journal for myself - that happens to be out on the internet for anyone to read. The idea intrigues me, however, considering I secretly (or maybe not so secretly) enjoy the attention.

If you're still reading this, I'm mildly surprised. I suppose I should talk about something... like a topic maybe? What's bothering me today is mainly my inability to say no. Not to super important, dangerous things like drugs or rape... I can say no to those, don't worry... But I'm a notorious people-pleaser. It was my New Year's Resolution to try not to please others so much. I'm not doing a very good job at it. I try way too hard to make everyone else happy. But really, making people happy is what makes me happy so... does that work? If I can make others happy while making myself happy isn't that a good thing? Killing two birds with one stone, and I like efficiency. Putting others before myself shouldn't bother me so much but it gets to the point where I worry way too much about what everyone else feels that I ignore my own feelings and then I'm exhausted. So from here on out I will try a lot harder to please myself once in a while. It will make me happier in the end.

In other news, I can't be happier that it's spring break. Even though my break isn't going to be very "breaky" after tomorrow considering I'm getting my 4 wisdom teeth out and then Thursday I have what could be the most awkward doctor's appointment of my life. It sucks getting old - just throwing that out there. So today I'm going to enjoy the last pain-free day of my break and bake some delicious banana bread and then hang out with my future roomies tonight :) Everyone have a wonderful day, sorry for wasting your time.